Yesterday I was driving on I-95 South between D.C. and Richmond. As usual, before a holiday weekend the slowdowns start early. Normally you can do OK coming out of Northern Virginia if you get out by 2:00PM. On holiday weekends however, you can take 2 hours off that. I had business that kept me in the area until almost 1:00PM. I wasn't particularly frustrated with the traffic; the slowdowns were brief but frequent. As I'm rolling along somewhere between Fredericksburg and Doswell, I see the traffic in the left lane start to contract. The road is mostly free of trouble by now so I wondered if someone may be having trouble on the left side of the road. Rather than follow the rules of the road and remain in the left lane to let other drivers my intent to travel faster than the flow of traffic, I broke my own rule and took to the "sandwich lane" with the rest of the impatient speeders. After a few cars I see the hold-up. There's a guy, early to mid-twenties, driving a new Volkswagen. How did I know it was new? No, it wasn't the sticker still stuck to the side window. Apparently that would never be ostentatious enough for the young gentleman at the wheel of this car. No, he has also chosen to leave the protective lamination they apply before transporting new cars to the dealer. Now, the car was black and the lamination is of course, white, so when you first see it, it looks like some sort of municipal police vehicle with no markings or perhaps it's a panda enthusiasts car. As I get closer, I realize the white portions of the car are just giant stickers. So this guy is driving his brand new VW down the interstate. No problem. I thought about Minnie Pearl (dating myself) who used to leave the price tag on her hats to give the impression she was wearing a new one all the time or my Aunt Betty who used to leave the plastic covers on her new furniture until it was all but completely shredded to (supposedly) protect it from spills but we all knew that her true aim was to impress anyone who stopped by for a visit without having to be so openly vain as to mention that the furniture was new. But wait, he's in the left lane doing approximately 50mph. Is this his first time on the interstate? Does he not understand the graduated lane hierarchy?
The truck drivers have it broken down as follows:
- Right Shoulder – Break-down Lane
- Far Right Lane – Granny Lane
- Center Lane – Sandwich Lane
- Far Left Lane – Hammer Lane
- Left Shoulder – Suicide Lane
- And of course, exits are Get-offs
But alas, I was to learn that vanity was not the only malady this young driver suffers from. He was also texting with one hand. When I passed him on the right, glaring at him disapprovingly, as I always do when someone has forced me to break my courtesy rules, he never looked up from his phone, at me or the road. I don't like to resort to name calling but it's difficult to avoid terms like 'idiot', 'dumb-ass' or 'future Darwin Award recipient'.
I drive between 30,000 and 40,000 miles a year and I see things like this on such a frequent basis that I find it difficult to believe that the state police are doing their part. For every blatant case of speeding on the interstate where the driver is 15mph over the limit or more, there is at least one of these brainiacs doing something less detectable but more dangerous like putting on make-up, eating with utensils, looking for a CD, disciplining children, giving or receiving a sexual favor or my personal favorite, reading a newspaper or book. I have seen all these and more. I could do an entire blog on this subject alone. Maybe I will. If you have an interesting story about something you've seen on the interstate or anywhere in your car/truck/motorcycle, tell me about it. Particularly interesting are incidents involving police or that happen in view of a cop that get no reaction especially while the cop is running a speed trap.
