How do you correct really old bad behavior in someone else?

When we were first married, my wife and I were extremely poor and hungry.  I actually re-entered military service (which I despised) in order to support us.  However, being the irresponsible alcoholic I was, things still didn't go too well and she became the controller of the money.  I stopped drinking five years into the marriage when I was twenty six.  Now we've been married twenty three years and she's kept the same attitude toward me as when I was drinking.  I've said, "You treat cancer with radical methods but when the cancer is gone, the treatment should stop or the patient will die anyway".  She's addicted  to the control, spends money on many things we don't need.  Our house is packed with novelties, silverware and plate sets, all manner of wine and champagne glasses, clothes and shoes that have never been worn.  I can't seem to get through to her that our money could go to better use, like savings and investments, or even just more for vacations.  I've always been the sole breadwinner but I've always been treated like a child with my own money.  I'm tired of it and I'm going to change it, one way or the other.

If you are a spouse, read this.

This is basically a condensation of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I'm looking for a Korean translation of this for my wife.  If anyone knows where I can find one...

I actually read the whole book out loud to her but it doesn't seem to have the same impact.

Warren Buffet's Five Minute Plan to Fix the Deficit

This is a quote from a CNBC interview on July 7th of 2011.

"I could end the deficit in five minutes.  You just pass a law that says that any time there's a deficit of more than three percent of GDP, all sitting members of Congress are ineligible for re-election."  The only problem: the people who would have to pass such a law are the same people who would lose their jobs.

City Hicks

By our previous definition of a hick, it stands to reason that people from urban areas might be just as likely to qualify.  Especially in the boorish category.  I was introduced to this fact, though I didn't know how to articulate it at the time, when I went to basic training.  I grew up in a rural area where there was almost no diversity but the school system (in my school) was fairly progressive and certainly had an open minded staff.  However, when I went to basic training at Fort Jackson, SC, I was not prepared for people who were products of urban school systems where racism was a daily issue and a fact of life and was not addressed by school staff or parents.  "I'm black, I can't be racist." was one of the brilliant quotes I heard from one of these mental midgets produced by the so called sophisticated city.

These people were almost completely uneducated, barely literate, devoid of the powers of reason attributable to an adult.  But, because of their sheer confidence, they were put in positions of leadership.  They had no real idea of the concepts of leadership.  They just knew how to be loud and overbearing.  In this, they were genius.  Of course, it wasn't important to the real people in charge that these blithering idiots were stifling any chance for real leaders to shine.  They were placed in charge because of their quickness to get physical.  Drill sergeants were not allowed to use physical means of discipline so they left it up to their goons from the inner cities who played football in high school and were itching to test their skills in a new environment.  But of course, like all bullies, they were all talk and no courage so before the end of the two month ordeal, most of them had fallen into disrepute and some had even been discharged for reasons such as disrespect and insubordination as well as outright assault.  The law, it seems, exists even in the isolation of boot camp and will be enforced if a person with real bearing and persistence insists on justice being upheld.

That was an extreme and vague example, I know.  It was a long time ago and a lot of the details have slipped my mind.  A more recent example would be person from Boston with whom I had a brief conversation.  It consisted of the usual questions and answers:  Where you from?  What do you do?  Now, I have what you might call a mid-western accent, which is to say, almost no accent, like a news anchor.  Most of the people I was exposed to as a child had no accent either.  However, a few had what I would call the country twang in their speech, but I always believed they did it for effect because it seemed to disappear when they were serious.  But the Bostonian seemed to think that my mid-western non-accent betrayed my ignorance and he mocked my speech in an exaggerated manner, sounding more like someone from say, Georgia or Alabama.  That's when I realized I was dealing with a city hick.  In his limited mind, anyone not sounding just like him and his Bostonian cronies had a southern accent and was automatically worthy of ridicule.  But the conversation continued and revealed some interesting points.  First, his answer to the "What do you do?" question was vague, as if he didn't want to reveal his profession, but it turned out, as the conversation progressed and I gained his trust, that he didn't really do anything other than sit in this diner all day and wait for the world to come to him.  I'd like to think he left with a different impression of people outside of Boston that day but I doubt it.  To be ignorant, you have to ignore.

Proposal to Legislate a Ban on Certain Types of Noises in Advertising and PSA's

I propose legislation that bans the use of traffic noise such as car horns, screeching tires, crashing sounds, police, ambulance or fire sirens.


The elevated quality of most car sound systems combined with the utter realism of the sounds used in radio commercials, a dangerous situation is created by broadcasting these types of sounds.  The danger is heightened during rush hours and inclement weather to include rain when people are on heightened alert with diminished safety conditions.  I have personally experienced the dangerous effect of these noises and I can't believe I'm alone.  And I don't believe this is a free speech issue since the sounds I'm talking about are the vehicular equivalent of yelling fire in a crowded theater.  I drive between 30 and 50 thousand miles a year throughout Virginia (especially Northern Virginia), North Carolina and West Virginia and I couldn't begin to account for the number of times I've been startled, and therefore distracted, by realistic sounding traffic noises the worst of which are screeching tires, car horns and sirens of any type, in that order.

I know this may not be the hot button issue that will get lots of media attention and political debate.  But that doesn't make it unimportant.  I think it's a no-brainer.  There are enough distractions on the road.  Let's not unnecessarily add to them.

City Hicks

When we think of the word "hick", what are we thinking about?  A country bumpkin?  A redneck?  A hillbilly?  What is the definition of a hick?  dictionary.com says it's "an unsophisticated, boorish, and provincial person; rube."  Why do we associate these qualities only with country people.  I'm originally from a rural community but I've travelled extensively in this country and abroad and have spent years in Japan and Korea on military assignments.  I would have to disagree that being from the country or living in a rural area qualifies a person to be called a hick.  In fact, in my travels, I've met far more people from urban areas who would fit the definition of a hick.  Most especially people from very large cities like NY, LA, Tokyo and Seoul.  These people are not challenged and feel they are educated by their very presence in their respective area.  While I agree it takes a certain set of life skills to live and thrive in a metropolitan area, I don't think that attaining those skills qualifies a person as sophisticated or even educated.  I've seen both sides of this coin and will elaborate on both in future posts.

Drugs

Force your vaporous soul to the surface
Where it dries and blows away
The eyes a window to a not-even-haunted house
Where even the furniture is loathe to stay

It's not high
It's nowhere
Do not try
To go there

The anesthetic
Must wear off
Your thinner spirit
Is scared off

Secular Web

Making good use of the internet.

Global Warming Debunked

http://preventdisease.com/news/10/071110_terminte_co2.shtml

Sugar Rehab

If you have unexplainable medical issues such as headaches, migraines, fatigue, intestinal/digestive issues, obesity, skin problems, inability to maintain weight or any other problem that doctors are unable to explain,  get off complex sugars such as table sugar, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup or anything ending in -ose other than glucose which is the sugar in fruit.

I'm beginning my sugar restricted diet tomorrow and I plan to keep a record of changes I experience right here.  Today, I had 12 teaspoons of sugar just in the coffee I drank which was excessive in and of itself.  My plan is to reduce that to 2 immediately which will be contained in 16 oz. of coffee.

I may eliminate coffee altogether.  I stopped smoking over a year ago and I very seldom drink any carbonated beverage or alcohol but I still feel unrested when I wake up in the morning even though I'm getting 7 to 8 hours sleep.  I don't feel energetic like I should.  I haven't felt particularly well for any length of time since I joined the army in 1984.  Combined effects of sleep deprivation, high stress, smoking and drinking excessively took their toll.  Hopefully, I can break the addiction and start eating healthier foods and consuming less sugar and caffeine.

What to do with Junk Snail Mail

What do you do with all those envelopes from credit card companies and magazines?  Do you throw them away without opening them?  That would be better than responding to them for sure.  But that helps fill up landfills in most cases unless you are able to recycle all your paper but that doesn't do anything to discourage the mailings in the first place. 

Of course I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't have a solution.  Take the Business Reply Envelopes and fill them with all the contents of the envelope along with the envelope it came in and mail it back to them.

Bully Free at Work by Valerie Cade

The Bully at Work: Are You Being Bullied? Find Out for Yourself…

After two years of working in the information systems department of an engineering company, Jason found it more and more difficult to get up for work. Where he once enjoyed the office camaraderie, he realized he was being increasingly left out of meetings and after-hours social events. He often felt like he was the target of others’ jokes, and his efforts were put down while others’ were praised. As he struggled to understand what had happened, the image of Jennifer, a co-worker, kept reappearing in his mind. He suddenly realized that Jennifer was often the person who criticized him. Sometimes she had taken credit for his good work. She was probably going to get a promotion that he believed he had earned.

Jennifer didn’t have it in for him. Or did she?

Jason, like many who are the target of a bully at work, found it difficult to accept that another person could plan and carry out a plan of action against a co-worker. While the bully’s target may feel uncomfortable, unhappy or depressed about the way someone is acting toward him at work, he may lack the knowledge or insight to identify the behavior as bullying.

If you suspect you may be the target of workplace bullying, take the self-test below.

Self-Test: Are You Being Bullied?

Consider each of the questions in the self-test below and decide if you Strongly Agree, Agree, Somewhat Agree, Disagree or Strongly Disagree with the behaviors that may be happening to you. Then, circle the corresponding number.

Does the person you’re having trouble with:

		Strongly Agree	Agree	Somewhat	Disagree	Strongly Disagree
1.	Repeatedly:            -Ignore you. -Not say hello when you greet them.          -Not return your phone calls or emails.	5	4	3	2	1
2.	Dismiss what you’re saying or “put you down” while alone or in the presence of others?	5	4	3	2	1
3.	Sabotage you or make you look foolish, by “forgetting” to tell you about a meeting (or) if the person is your boss, set you up to fail by making impossible demands of you?	6	5	4	3	2
4.	Spread rumours, lies and half-truths about you?	6	5	4	3	2
5.	Frequently act impatient with you, treating you like you’re incompetent?	5	4	3	2	1
6.	Blame and criticize you?	5	4	3	2	1
7.	Try to intimidate you by interrupting, contradicting and glaring at you and giving you the silent treatment?	5	4	3	2	1
8.	Tease, ridicule, insult or play tricks on you, especially in front of others?	6	5	4	3	2
9.	Always insist on getting their own way and never apologize? They never consider your point of view.	5	4	3	2	1
10.	Leave you out of social and work situations as opposed to welcoming and inviting you in. They deliberately make way to exclude you.	6	5	4	3	2
	Total score = _____________

To get your total score add up the numbers; there is a possible total score of 54.
If your score is 14 or below, it doesn’t look like you’re being bullied. If your score is between 15 and 25, there are indications of bullying behaviour. Naturally, the higher the score, the more pronounced the behaviour. If your score is 30 or above, you are definitely being bullied. As scores increase beyond 30, the severity of the bullying escalates.

Some who take this test find they are not being bullied. If you are one of these people, and are experiencing emotional discomfort because of a work situation involving another person, conflict resolution or assertiveness training may help you. If you discovered that you are indeed being bullied, you also need to learn what to do.

Learning how to respond to a bully at work requires particular strategies because bullies have distinctive characteristics. Bullies have a distorted view of human nature. They view people as objects to be manipulated, rather than as humans with whom to have empathy. They see all interactions through the prism of their own interests, “What’s in it for me?” and strategically manipulate others for their own advantage.

Bullies, however, do not behave like psychopaths who are unable to change their behavior. Studies show that when the spotlight is on a bully—that is, when others recognize their behavior and actions, policies and laws are carried out to stop their bullying ways—the bully, in fact, blends back into the workplace again and stops causing damage. The bully is aware.

The first step belongs to you. You may be asking, “What do I do then?” First, recognize if you are being bullied. Accept that fact so you can then take the next step of helping yourself with a sense of conviction to create protection for yourself. You deserve it!

Sincerely,Valerie Cade, Founder
Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker, and Author of 
Bully Free at Work

Stone Temple Pilots at the top of their game.

I saw these guys at the Innsbrook Pavilion on Wednesday.  Phenomenal.  I've been a fan since '92 when I first heard them on AFKN, the Armed Forces Korea Network.  A significant event in your life will leave such an impression that you'll remember where you were and what you were doing when it happened.  Such an event occurred for me when I heard "Plush" for the first time.  I was getting a military van worked on at the company motor pool.  The radio, of course, was tuned to AFKN since all other stations were Korean.  I can scarcely describe how I felt when I heard the song.  I didn't even know who the Stone Temple Pilots were.  I had heard of Nirvana and was slightly impressed with Metallica's Black Album but for the most part, I thought music had gone to hell.  This one song changed my mind.  I bought the Core album and discovered that good writing had not died and did not reside solely in the mind of Kurt Cobain (who would have effectively killed it).  I know, this is a narrow view but I'm expressing where I was at the time in my mid-twenties.  There is and always has been plenty of good music out there.  It's up to you to find it.  If you're one of those people who let the music industry decide for you then you get what you deserve.

By the way, I'd like to call attention to the band supporting STP on tour.  Rose Hill Drive.  Wow.  Really great band.  I didn't hear a bad song in their set.  Google and Youtube have plenty of samples but none do them justice.  They are meant to be heard live.  Buy their stuff, go to the shows.  I have a knack for seeing rising stars and these guys are definitely on their way.

The only time I was wrong was with a band I heard in Indianapolis back in 2000 called Gun Metal Blue.  I don't know what happened to them.  They had some really good original stuff on their CD and they were very skilled musicians and singers.  They did a rendition of "Stranglehold" that would have scared Ted.  I guess not all good bands make it. Pity.

Medical Marijuana blocked by Pharmaceutical Companies

Check this article out.  I saw the documentary about Rick Simpson and looked at the website phoenixtears.ca but didn't really take it seriously.  I'm starting to change my opinion.  I really believe that big pharmaceuticals have been behind a lot of blocks to progress in this country.  Our system is too prone to allowing the fox to be overlooking the hen-house.  Big business in general is too able to assert influence on regulatory agencies and legislators/legislatures.  Money is the root of all kinds of evil.  Notice the wording which is the correct meaning of the phrase.  Somehow, people have misinterpreted the phrase to mean that money is the root of all evil which can't be true because a man doesn't kill his wife after an affair because of a projected windfall profit from the activity.  For that matter, having an affair, which most people consider evil (even the participants), in most cases, has no potential monetary benefit. In fact, it very often costs the guilty parties and their associates dearly. One could go on for days debunking the idea of money being the root of ALL evil but I think my point is well made.

Why is it so hard to establish an effective regulatory agency?  Because the very need for one is driven by greed in the first place.  We, as citizens, are being robbed of medical advances because of big business.